The Adventures of Roy and Ed
by The.Wingless.One
Summary: Modern version of Roy and Ed living in an apartment together. Roy is tormented by an unseen menace a stray cat. OCC on Edward's part. RoyEd hintings. Just something I did for a school assignment.


The sound of a crash radiated throughout the house as the two people within it gasped, startled. Getting up from his chair, Roy hurried to the window only to see the tail of the problem scurry outside. Roy knew that the dog door was a bad idea. He glared at the empty cat bowl as his boarder, Ed, stumbled up the stairs. "If I ever get my hands on that stray, I'll strangle him." Roy growled.

"He probably didn't mean to break the vase. He's just a cat." Ed replied calmly. Reasoning with Roy was futile, and Ed knew it. He filled the bowl up again as the house cat began eating.

"He probably has fleas. Not to mention he'll get Mickey here pregnant." Roy crossed his arms, eyeing the cat.

"It's Rikki, and she's a he. He can't get pregnant!" Ed rolled his eyes, crouching down and stroking Rikki's back. The stray had been using their home as a restaurant for weeks now. Roy was never quick enough to catch him, but continued his never ending chase with persistence.

The sun rose several mornings after the incident, announcing a new day. The light sounds of a rickety truck could be heard through the windows of the house. Roy opened a blurred eye, trying to sort out his thoughts. His usually flat bangs that slightly covered his eyes were pushed up, spiking the hair ever so slightly. Roy was not a morning person. He mumbled something inaudible and forced himself to sit up. Roy swung his legs over the side of the bed and put a shirt on, stretching. His morning ritual was soon cut short as he remembered the day of the week.

Wednesday was garbage day.

He cursed, hoping Ed had taken care of it. Roy shook his head; wishful thinking. Ed of course, had slept in as well. He hurriedly took the trash from under the sink and stood up, just in time to see the garbage truck passed his home. Roy let out a groan of defeat. With his unchanged expression he let the garbage fall to the floor. He dragged his feet towards the kitchen sink, washing his hands, and then fixing himself a bowl of cereal. As he walked towards the door to unlock it, the stray cat suddenly shot through the dog door! Roy emitted some sort of yelp, stumbling backwards, spilling the bowl of cereal on not only himself, but the rug under him. At a loss for words Roy, hurried after him, flicking milk from his hands. Roy was having an extremely bad morning.

Ed emerged at the top of the stairs, now wide awake. "What's all the noise about? I was having a good dream." Ed was cut off by Roy. "He's back! That rotten cat is back!" Roy grabbed the nearest appliance from the counter top. Rolling pin in hand, he started toward the stray that had made itself at home, helping himself to a portion of Rikki's food. Thinking quickly, Ed jumped on Roy's back. "No! Roy! He's an innocent cat! He didn't do anything!" Ed pleaded. "He broke my vase, ate my cat's food, and spilt my cereal!" Roy shouted, trying to remove Ed from his back. Ed held on. By this time, the cat had finished his meal and was heading towards the dog door contented. "I'll get you!" Roy shouted, waving his rolling pin.

Ed waited until the cat was out of sight, then slid off the older male's back. "You really need some sort of therapy, Roy." Ed remarked, brushing himself off. Almost as a signal, Roy jetted off towards the front door, rid of Ed.

"Wait!" Ed followed Roy out the front door. The chase continued towards the backyard as the dingy cat scurried under the garage. "Look, you've scared him!" Ed whined, tugging on the back of Roy's shirt.

With one hand still holding the rolling pin and the other lazily swatting against Ed's hands, he dropped to all fours, peering under the garage. He was greeted with a deep meow. "Don't give me that you little-" Roy's words were cut short as several high pitched cries were also heard from under the garage.

Ed dropped to his hands and knees just as quickly and peered under the garage. A stir of excitement rose within him as Ed jumped up, shooting a finger in the air. "We need blankets!" He shouted, running into the house.

Roy stared bewildered, "you were a girl this whole time?"

The stray replied with a groaning meow. "How was I supposed to know your gender?" Roy rolled his eyes. "I still don't know what Vikki is."

"It's Rikki, Roy!" Ed stumbled out, carrying far too many blankets needed.

Roy pulled on the piece of cardboard the family of cats nested on.

Ed's eyes seemed to light up, staring down at the three kittens waddling beside their mother.

"Roy, can we keep them?" Ed asked in a rather high pitched voice, clamping his hands together.

"No we can't keep them! Cat food and litter is already burning a hole in my wallet!" Roy seemed astonished Ed even considered this idea.

"We can't split them up! Rikki and this cat are obviously in love! They even have kids. That's why we can't split them up!" Ed pleaded, his eyes widened. "Wait, Rikki's kittens? I want a blood test!" Roy said accusingly to the kittens. Ed mumbled something and laughed, picking up the kittens one by one. "We'll use your bed for now." He said as he ran in the house with two kittens securely in his hands. "Hey! No! Edward!" He shouted sternly, but to no avail. He sighed in defeat, wrapping a kitten in a blanket, "You can walk." He glared down at the mother cat as he walked towards the house.

Arriving in the bedroom, Roy set the kitten on a bed alongside the others. Ed was busy preparing a box for the new additions to the family.

"They're not staying for long, Ed. We're giving them to the pet store." Roy said, his hands in his pocket, staring down at the kittens that had already gotten a little too comfortable in his bed for his taste.

"Just use my month's rent to pay for them!" Ed spoke, sounding suddenly child-like.

"Your rent goes towards the bills. Besides, your four months behind pay." Roy directed an unpleasant look towards his friend.

"Jeez, you're like an elephant. You never forget a thing!" Ed said playfully at an attempt to lighten Roy's attitude.

After a slight pause, studying the kittens, Roy gave a long sigh.

"Well they're not staying in here." He took the pocketed hand and scratched the back of his neck.

Ed perked at the sound of this, "Don't worry, they'll stay with me in the basement!"

"Great, now I have five freeloaders." He put a hand on his hip; the other pinching the bridge of his nose, signaling to Ed a headache was coming.

"Thanks Roy!" Ed said in a sing song voice, throwing and wrapping his arms around the taller male. He ignored the signal of Roy's oncoming headache. "You really should act your age, Ed. You're only a few years younger than I am"  
"You sound like you think of yourself as an old man! You're only 25." Ed shook his head.

"Roy?" Ed asked, still hugging Roy, who didn't seem to respond to this at all.

"What?" Roy said unemotionally.

"Why are you covered in milk?" He asked, looking up at Roy.  
Roy did not reply to this, brushing the child-like boy off him.

"You're taking responsibility if they do their business on my rugs. If you keep them, I'm not cleaning anything up"  
"Don't worry about a thing. I'll teach them all they need to know"  
"Well, that's reassuring." Roy's comment dripped with sarcasm. 


End file.
